After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
