She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish you could order shots online.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
