well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
