Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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