Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
