I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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