i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
