you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
