just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
