What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
