i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
