what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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