a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
