Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
