he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
