I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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