Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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