Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
