So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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