It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
