Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
