Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
