smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
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