woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
