That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
