On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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