I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
