There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
