Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
