i jhust puked up my retainher.
you would pick up someone in the library
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize