Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
