yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
