I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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