This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
