I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
