I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
