she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
