I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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