Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
