What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
