Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
