Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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