we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
