oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
