wat bout pragnant strippers??
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pants are for mortals
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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