Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
