I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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