she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
