So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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