On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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