I wannas sexs uuuuu
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
