I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
