There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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